fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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