its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
