Do you still have your period?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
