He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize