During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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