I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
