Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Panties = found
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
