I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize