Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the day after is always just damage control
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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