how can u be prego again
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
