i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
