Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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