I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
