Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
