Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
