i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
