I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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