She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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