the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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