Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
