Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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