You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
