I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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