So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize