just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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