i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
