Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
