either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
