i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
