Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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