last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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