How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
