my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
