im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
