I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
