i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
