I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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