I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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