i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize