I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize