she looked like the before picture.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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