She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
