dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need to sanitize my soul.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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