A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize