i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
