i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
