Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
