Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There r osticjed everywhere
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
