help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize