Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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