Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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