if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He passed out mid-signature
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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