I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
