So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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