I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
