Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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