I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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