don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
