apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
