If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just google imaged poop.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
