Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
