It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
this is an emotional support booty call
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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