Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
