So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
