WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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