Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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