I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
