I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
