i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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