The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
