then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
