i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Are my feet made of real feet?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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