Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
