Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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