Swine flu is the new snow day.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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